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"I Claim Political Asylum!", The Algerian Ejaculated

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Readers of this blog know that I harbor a strong suspicion that a large number of the 70% male, 70% under-35 migrants coming to Europe in 2015 are not quite right in the head. Dozens of stories of sexual assaults, public masturbation, clumsy rape attempts, and extremely bizarre violent crimes pour in every day.

This last story, however, is some sort of milestone. Let me quote a report (g) in a newspaper from Salzburg, Austria. It concerns a man who was stopped by police in the Salzburg train station and refused to identify himself:

Investigators were able to determine only that the man was an Algerian, and they brought him to the train station's police station. They then took his fingerprints and found that the Algerian had already filed claims for asylum in Switzerland and Germany. 

The man is a 40-year-old Algerian. After the Federal Ministry for Foreigners and Asylum Badge (1)issued a detention warrant, the Algerian claimed political asylum before the Austrian police. During his stay in the police station, the Algerian touched himself and masturbated onto the table. Officials in the police station are now evaluating his request for international protection, the police said Friday.

The German original uses the accusative form "masturbated onto the table", not the dative form, which would mean "masturbated on (top of) the table".

I think we all know what that means.

I only hope he missed his asylum application. It would be a shame if something gummed up the works. 

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